F2P of the month: Team Fortress 2

So beginning this month, I'm going to try and start reviewing free-to-play games; one a month. Because who doesn't like free stuff?

Background:
Team Fortress 2, if you've been living under a rock since 2007, is a team-based, class-based first person shooter created by the guys over at Valve (Portal, Half-Life, Half-Life 2). Upon its release, it cost money; however, TF2 went free-to-play in mid-2011.

The plot:
You're funny. What plot?

The gameplay:
Team Fortress 2 is one of the most popular free-to-play FPS games for a reason. It's damn good. There are 9 classes split up into 3 categories:

• Offensive: 
• The soldier, a rocket launcher wielding... soldier. Probably the easiest class to pick up and play, as rockets don't require much accuracy... just hit around your enemy and they're bound to die eventually.
• The scout, a speedy trickster designed to capture flags and capture points. Fast, but weak; however, in the hands of a good scout player, he can be very very deadly.
• The pyro, a... pyro. Easily one of my favorite characters. Great for destroying the other team, because flamethrowers.
• Defensive:
• The demoman, an expert with grenades. Able to lay down sticky grenades, and detonate them remotely. Not a bad offensive character either if played right.
• The heavy, a big, slow, Russian tank. Uses a giant minigun. He's not too hard to use either, just kind of spray with the giant gun you're holding and hope for the best.
• The engineer, easily my favorite character by far. Sets up turrets, teleporters, and dispensers that hand out free health and ammo to teammates. Best used to defend critical capture points or flags.
• Support:
• The medic, a... medic. Heals teammates, and can build an "ubercharge", which by default makes the medic and the person he's healing invincible for a short period of time. Combined with a heavy or a pyro, the medic can be very, very dangerous.
• The spy, a dagger wielding, backstabbing, hard to play bastard. The spy can disguise himself as a member of the opposing team, sneak in, and assassinate enemy players. There are a few ways to tell a spy from a teammate, but in the heat of the moment, I find myself being killed by spies way too often.
• The sniper, everyone's favorite. Sits at the back, pops heads. Another one of my favorite classes. Also he's Australian. 

There's a few gamemodes to Team Fortress 2, including "capture the intelligence (flag)" and "capture points" (domination). A player-vs.-computer mode was added recently, in which a team of players has to defend a base from enemy robots. Games are either serious or not; that is, depending on the server you're playing on, players will either try to do the objective, or just kill each other. Either way, it's pretty awesome. 

Graphically, the game has a style that's hard to describe. It's not quite cel-shaded, but it's close. Honestly, it feels like you're playing with action figures sometimes. It's got a really neat art style that no other game really has. The game sounds pretty good too, which is important when you've got dozens of guns going off at once. They all sound very distinct and stylized.

The verdict:
If you like class based shooters, play it. If you like multiplayer FPS games, play it. If you don't like those, play it, it's free. You've got nothing to lose. It's a 4/5 from me.

Torchlight II

So let's do an "indie" game. This might be a little short, I'm pressed for time with finals coming up.

The background:
Torchlight II is an isometric RPG (think Diablo) produced by Runic Games. It was released in 2012 for PC. It's common to hear it called "the real Diablo 3".

The plot:
Torchlight II is set a few years after the first Torchlight, and it follows the Alchemist (a playable character from the first game), who becomes corrupted by the "Ember Blight" (Ember is essentially mana). You play as one of four characters:

• The Outlander, a gun-toting badass
• The Berserker, a bloodthirsty melee fighter
• The Engineer, an intelligent, wrench wielding tank
• The Mage, a powerful spellcaster with mastery over the elements

Your goal? Stop the Alchemist from destroying the world, by any means necessary. Pretty basic in text, but the game really feels fleshed out when you're playing it. You'll trek across several different areas through 5 acts, helping out the local people in your quest to fix everything the Alchemist has broken.

The gameplay:
So how's it play? Well, Diablo fans will feel at home. If you didn't play Diablo, Torchlight is still pretty easy to pick up and play; your character is driven by mouse clicks, while various spells/skills/menus are controlled by the keyboard. It may seem a little daunting at first, but it's pretty simple. There is a multiplayer option, which is pretty fun when you have friends to play with, but the game is totally beatable if you decide to play by yourself. One common problem in some multiplayer games like Torchlight II is the issue of loot - who gets what? Fortunately, Runic Games thought of that; everything you see on the screen is yours, everybody gets their own loot. As far as characters go, I like the Outlander, because he has a good amount of range, and I just like the thought of pistols akimbo (dual wielded), because it makes me feel like an action movie star. I have played all the other characters though, and I can say that they all handle and play pretty well.

Visually, it's pretty stunning; environments really draw you in and make you feel like you're there. The best example I can give would be the desert area; the first time you set foot into this giant sandy wasteland, you can feel the heat radiating off of your computer screen. It's quite good. Torchlight II sounds pretty nice too; monster and weapon sounds are pretty well done, and the music is absolutely beautiful. Once you get sucked in to this game, it's hard to stop playing, and that's just great.

However, it can feel a little grind-y at times. While you don't HAVE to grind, you may find yourself being killed fairly quickly if you don't. The loot system can be a little wonky at times too; you'll find yourself getting gear you can't even use (e.g. playing as an Outlander, you can get gear that only Engineers can wear, and so on).

The summary:
Torchlight II is absolutely amazing.  It's quite fun, and at about 20-25 hours long, it's worth the $20 price tag. It does have a couple problems here and there, but they're easily overlooked. 4.5/5 stars.

Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3

Orpheus!

Background:
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 is a JRPG that was developed and published by Atlus (fun fact: they published Demon's Souls), It was released in 2006 in Japan, and was released in 2007 over in the U.S. due to some issues with the publication of the official "art book". It is the third (duh) in the Persona series, and one of many in the Megami Tensei (or MegaTen if you prefer) series. The game is for Playstation 2, PSP, and is available on the Playstation Network for $10 (which is cheaper than you'll find it just about anywhere else).

The plot:
The plot of Persona 3 is... complicated. You take the role of a male (or female if you're playing P3 Portable) high school student, who has to juggle high school, a social life... oh, and you fight evil in a giant tower named Tartarus. If you wanted to know what my high school life was like, this is a pretty accurate biography of me. Jokes aside, that's really all there is to it, basically. You fight monsters (or "shadows", as P3 calls them) in a tower, and you have to reach the top before the year ends and the world is destroyed. How do you go about fighting these shadows? We'll discuss that a little later.

Time is a huge factor in Persona 3. While not technically on a "time limit" (you can take as long as you want, the game progresses when you're ready), you have to basically simulate the life of a high schooler while trying to prevent the destruction of the world. No pressure. Honestly, it's not as stressful as it sounds, since you can take as long as you want in Tartarus. And you'll need to take a good long while in Tartarus, because there's a lot to explore, and every experience point counts. "Where do you get the time to hang out in this big tower while doing everything else?", you might be asking. Here's why managing time is easy - Tartatus only appears in the "Dark Hour", a hidden hour between 12 AM and 12:01 AM that only certain people can access. So you spend your days doing school and social stuff, and your nights fighting evil. Sounds about right. Of course, there are lots of things to do at night, also; otherwise, it'd be too easy. I'll try not to spoil too much else plot-wise, because this is a game you really have to experience, not just play or read about.

The gameplay:
Persona 3 plays like the sim-cross-JRPG you'd expect it to. There's a lot to do in the world laid out for you. You can join clubs, make friends, fall in love, study, play sports, sing karaoke, play games in an arcade, and much more. And all of that is extremely important. Seriously. Every friend you make, each club you join, each bond you make allows you to become even stronger. "Social Links", as they're called, give you massive boosts when creating Personas. But wait, I haven't even talked about Personas yet, have I?

Personas are basically the Pokemon of this game. You collect them. Each one has its strengths and weaknesses, and each one can be useful in a certain situation. Everyone has their favorites. And you, as the main character, can create new Personas by fusing two or more Personas you have. Combined with the Social Links, you can create some wickedly strong Personas. The way you summon them is pretty cool too - most characters summon their Persona by literally putting a gun to their head and pulling the trigger. Well, in a manner of speaking. The gun is called an "Evoker", and basically allows people to use their Personas. Doesn't make the animation any less badass though.

You can also fight using weapons, and each character uses a certain type of weapon (besides the main character who can use pretty much everything). You've got bows and arrows, rapiers, boxing gloves, longswords, kunai, and much more.

When you're not trying to find the time to balance schoolwork and a social life, you're bound to be fighting Shadows in Tartarus. The game plays like a dungeon crawler with random battles mixed in. You take a small posse of friends in with you (up to 3 other people), and fight all kinds of different enemies - bugs, hanged men, knights, tables, lamps, dice, birds, etc. There's a fairly decent selection of people you can take with you by the end of the game, and each person has their strengths, which can make it hard to choose sometimes.

Tartarus itself can also be a bit of a chore, being 300+ floors and all. You can teleport to various locations in the tower once you've unlocked them; however, these locations start growing farther and farther apart as you climb up, causing the game to become very aggravating later on when you're trying to find the next teleporter after fighting through 40 floors of enemies. The dungeon is randomly generated, and will be different every time you go in, making memorizing the locations of things pointless. Another problem that can arise is that Death himself will come and kill you if you take too long on a floor, or if you spend too much time in the tower, and that's no fun - there are no continues, if you die, you get kicked back to your last save point, so save often.

There's a pretty high difficulty curve at times, and you will have to grind. Even if you fight every Shadow on the way up, you won't be powerful enough to fight bosses you will encounter. This can become a bit of a chore, but is fairly common in JRPGs. The game can be difficult, but it is very rewarding when you beat a tough boss after a few hours of work.

Audio/visual wise, the game looks and sounds pretty good. You'll recognize a few voices, especially if you're into anime such as Fullmetal Alchemist. The music is great, and I find myself listening to it when I'm not playing the game. The graphics have a mix of anime and 3D models that sounds bad in theory, but looks great in practice. The major cutscenes are all done in animation as well, so it's a bit like watching a show or a movie from time to time.

The verdict:
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 is a great JRPG game that JRPG fans should try. That being said, if you didn't like games like Pokemon, stay away. It is a bit grindy at times, and Tartatus can be a chore, but it's rewarding in the end. 4/5 stars from me.

Burnout: Paradise

Let's hop right in, shall we?

The background:
Burnout: Paradise was released in 2008 for all major consoles/PC, and is one of many racing games with the Burnout title. It was published by EA, but put down your pitchforks, because it's actually alright. Burnout: Paradise is an open-world racing game, which is why it caught my interest - a racing game where you can just drive around, not having to race? I'm down for that, and for the price tag, it's actually a pretty good deal.

The plot:
The plot of Burnout: Paradise is as such: You are a rogue Transformer, driving around and racing other Transformers in the fictional Paradise City, sometime in the distant future when Transformers reign supreme over all of Earth. Now, the reason I say this, is because if you spin the camera around to the front of the car, you'll find that nobody is driving. And there are no pedestrians. Or anyone else. So what other explanation is there? Just get out and race, basically. The plot's pretty weak here.

The gameplay:
Like with DOOM, Burnout: Paradise's gameplay is what really makes it shine. It controls pretty well, with that arcade-y racing game feel. The vehicles move very quickly, as is standard in a racing game. There's a fair number of vehicles you can drive; however, there ARE vehicles that are obviously better than others, but it makes sense for there to be, as you win the ability to get these cars through racing. You don't win the car directly; when you win enough races, the car will begin to appear in the city, and it's up to you to destroy it in order to win it... as much sense as that makes. Each car falls into one of three classes based on the type of boost it uses: Speed, for speed (duh), Aggressive, for ramming other cars off the road and destroying them, and Stunt, for doing crazy tricks off of the hundreds of ramps set up around the city. There are collectibles, such as billboard signs you can destroy, and gates you can smash (400 in total!) which helps keep things from being really monotonous. The races themselves are usually not very difficult, but Burnout: Paradise tends to re-use race paths; for example, when you race from, say, north to south, you'll find another race at your destination that takes you south to north on the exact same route. It's little things like this that bother me in games, as it wouldn't be terribly hard for the developers to change the paths up a little bit. You CAN take your own way, but you'll likely end up losing the race, and I find that in the heat of the moment, it's hard to think about anything but following the route you're given.

In terms of audio/visual candy, the game looks and sounds pretty great. The graphics are fairly pretty, without being too over the top. The cars sound and look... well, like cars, as you'd expect. The music is a different story; it's your standard pop-rock-classical stuff that you get in every racing game. However, at least in the PS3 version, you can play music that you have saved on your hard drive, which is a huge plus from me, because the only other game I can think of that does that is LittleBigPlanet, and even in that game you can only listen to it in the stage select area and the level creator.

Length is hard to talk about in this game, as there's no set path to take to progress through the game. You can do the races and events in any order you want. Replayability is fairly decent; as mentioned, there are collectibles, and it's fun and mildly relaxing to just go for a drive from time to time.

However, even though the game is pretty good, there are a few complaints I have about it. Crashing is a major problem in a racing game, especially when you get going so fast and take a turn too hard. And when you crash in Burnout: Paradise, it makes sure you know. The game shows you your crash in slow motion, from multiple camera angles, and it takes about 30 seconds for it to finish... and when you're crashing quite a bit, this can get very annoying, very fast. It doesn't take much to trigger the slow motion effect, and the game feels the need to show you your crash every single time, without fail. It gets to be a problem after a while. The crash physics are fairly decent, and I feel like the developers are screaming "LOOK AT HOW GOOD OUR CRASH PHYSICS ARE!" whenever I'm forced to watch my car break into several pieces for the umpteenth time. There isn't a lot of local multiplayer options either; no head to head racing that I could find, just some half-assed "party games". Which sucks, because I'd really like to race against my friends whenever they come over, but apparently I'm not allowed to. Another major problem is the "EA curse", meaning that Burnout: Paradise has metric fucktons of on-disc DLC that you have to pay out the butt for. Nobody likes that, and it's a problem with this generation that needs to stop.

The verdict:
Burnout: Paradise gets a 3/5 stars from me. The game itself isn't bad, but there are definite problems that should have been addressed during playtesting. Who thought showing the player a 30 second crash sequence every time they crash was a good idea? And when are we going to see the end of on-disc DLC?

Considering the game's only $20 (I believe, it might be $30), I'd say pick it up if you like racing games, or just want a game where you can relax and drive. Otherwise, you could probably pass this game up.

Weiss out.

DOOM

Ah, here we go again.

Background:
DOOM is probably one of the most well known games ever; it basically kick started the FPS multiplayer scene back in '93, when it was released. DOOM is a space themed FPS game that takes place on Mars and its moons. However, the space theme only extends to the setting, as the Doomguy (who is unnamed in the game, but is given an absolutely retarded name in the DOOM books, Flynn Taggart) fights enemies who are anything but spaced themed. DOOM's enemies feature zombies and demons, arriving straight from Hell due to an experiment gone wrong on Mars. However, that part should probably belong in...

The plot:
As mentioned above, you play as the Doomguy, sent to Mars to fight demons and zombies from Hell. Through three (four if you have the Ultimate DOOM edition) episodes, your job is to kick ass and take names. And that's about as far as it goes. You're there to kill everything. Let's break it down between episodes:

Knee Deep in the Dead: The first act takes place on Phobos, one of Mars' moons. You arrive on Phobos fairly unaware of what's going on, and you progress through each level until you get to the final level, where you fight two big demons and end up dying, getting sent to...

The Shores of Hell: Yeah, rough. You did everything right, and you got killed and sent to Hell. Which happens to look tons like the base on Deimos, another of Mars' moons, that went missing. So again, it's your job to kill literally everything, until you get to the big badass, the lord of Hell, the Cyberdemon. We'll discuss him a little later. After you blow him up, it's time to go to....

Inferno: As it turns out, the missing Deimos base was literally floating above Hell itself. So the Doomguy, being the badass he is, decides to rappel down and kill everything in Hell in an attempt to get back to his home by defeating the REAL big badass, the Spider Mastermind. And it works. He makes it back to Earth, only to find out that the demons have beaten him there already. Which leads up into the next game, DOOM II.

Thy Flesh Consumed (Ultimate DOOM only): Thy Flesh Consumed takes place on Earth, as a sequel to DOOM and a prequel to DOOM II. The Doomguy fights off the demons who have taken over the nearest city, which remains unnamed.

And that's basically it. Like I said, you're there to kill everything, every time. And while the plot isn't some epic AAA story that everyone remembers, most people play it for...

The gameplay:
Oh yes. The gameplay. The gameplay of DOOM is the reason it's still played online across the world, 20 years after its release. There's many, many ways to play this amazing game online these days, with source ports such as Zandronum (formerly Skulltag), ZDaemon, and Odamex.

The controls are a bit dated if you don't use source ports, and are pretty standard for a FPS if you do. So your experience with the controls will definitely vary depending on how you play the game. I strongly suggest using a source port with keyboard and mouse control and freelook; the game feels much more up to date that way. If you prefer using a controller, you can do that too.

The weapons are great; there's 8 in total, ranging from your fists, to a shotgun, a plasma rifle, and the BFG9000, a superweapon that kills almost anything instantly. My personal favorite is the shotgun, as it has a great spread and is very effective for dealing with the majority of enemies.

Speaking of the enemies, let's talk about them, as they're a huge driving factor in the game. You have your basic zombies, shotgun wielding zombies, brown imps, pinky demons, giant floating red demon balls, flaming skulls, big bruiser demons, and more I'm probably not remembering right now... and the bosses: the Cyberdemon, and the Spider Mastermind. The Cyberdemon is a massive enemy, standing a few stories tall (protip: a story is about 10 feet); it's a half robot, half demon hybrid with a rocket launcher for an arm. One blow from it is fatal in most cases. He's tough the first time around, but once you figure out how to avoid his rockets, he's a pushover. The Spider Mastermind.... he's a giant brain on robotic spider legs with a chaingun that hits like a truck. However, he's got a low pain threshold, so with the right weapons, he can be pretty easy.

Now with all this talk of "oh the bosses are easy", you might be thinking that the game itself is pretty easy. I usually play it on the next to hardest difficulty, Ultra Violence, and I have to say that it isn't all that bad once you get used to it. However, you can easily get swarmed with tough enemies, and that can put you in a bad spot. So the difficulty varies, but it's no Ninja Gaiden; most people don't have a problem with the difficulty at all.

The visuals are definitely outdated; everything is a flat, badly textured polygon or sprite by today's standards. Back then, it was great, but if you're going to play it today, get a source port and look up a high resolution texture pack designed for your source port. That helps a ton.

The music is still great; the soundtrack is metal, metal and more metal. And it fits the speed and style of the game well; it sounds like what you'd imagine you'd be listening to while killing zombies and demons. The sounds are a little outdated as well, especially the weapon sounds. Which makes sense, the game is as old as I am. Fortunately, there are high definition sound packs out there as well, so you can fix that.

In terms of length and replayability; DOOM isn't a long game by any standard. Each episode is only about 45 minutes long, maybe an hour max. However, DOOM's replayability easily makes up for it; there's a par time for you to try and beat, secrets to find, and with the miracle of source ports, there's literally an endless supply of mods for you to play. Combine that with the multiplayer, which is no longer just Deathmatch mode, and you're set for a good, long while. There's cooperative mode, Survival mode (where you have a set number of lives), Capture the Flag, Domination, Team Deathmatch, and good ol' free-for-all Deathmatch, and players have been creating all new game modes to boot. DOOM is highly replayable, which is an amazing thing; each time is a little different.

The verdict:
DOOM is a great game, albeit a bit outdated in some ways. If you haven't played it, it's on Steam for fairly cheap. If you prefer to play it on a console (please don't, you're missing out, and DOOM will run on anything these days), the Ultimate DOOM and DOOM II are included in the DOOM 3: BFG Edition. It gets 4.5/5 stars from me, and is easily bumped up to 5/5 with high definition textures and sounds.



As a side note, not all games are going to get 5/5 stars. Eventually I'll dig down into some fairly bad games, but I wanted to start off with a couple good ones. See you next week!

The Legend of Zelda - A Link to the Past

You guys should've known this one would be my first.

Background:
The Legend of Zelda - A Link to the Past is one of the many games in the Legend of Zelda series. A Link to the Past (henceforth abbreviated ALTTP) was released on November 21st, 1991, for the Super Nintendo entertainment system (commonly known as the SNES). ALLTP is a 2D top down dungeon crawler that takes place in Hyrule (as the majority of Zelda games do).

The plot:
The main character, DikBut  Link, is off on another adventure to save the titular character, Princess Zelda, from the evil clutches of the dark wizard Agahnim, who is trying to break seven seals (put in place by seven ancient sages) in order to gain access to the Dark World; a world of great evil, where the most evil being in the known universe, Ganon, resides. In the process of stopping Agahnim, Link transverses through several dungeons, collecting items, upgrades, and heart containers. Each dungeon houses one of three pendants that help Link on his quest to save Zelda (and the world) by granting Link access to the Master Sword, a legendary sword that can vanquish any and all evil. Once Link gains access to all of the pendants, and retrieves the Master Sword, he is able to fight (and defeat) Agahnim, freeing Zelda, and ending the game. Right? You stopped him from screwing up the entire world, right?

Wrong.

You're only halfway through. See, Agahnim zaps Zelda into the Dark World just before you fight him (what a dick!), and once Link is done putting the sword to him, he sends Link into the Dark World as well. Things start to get a lot more intense in the Dark World, and Link's skills are put to the test as he traverses through even MORE dungeons (seven), freeing the descendants of the seven ancient sages, so he can gain access to Ganon's tower, where you finally defeat Agahnim (for real this time). A dark figure rises up from his broken body - it's Ganon! Link goes to Ganon's giant evil pyramid thing, where the final battle begins. Being the big pig-beast that he is, Ganon plans on using Princess Zelda to open a portal to the Triforce, a source of immense power that grants the innermost wish of whoever touches it, so that he can send the world that cast him away into a thousand years of darkness where he would reign supreme. Link is easily able to destroy Ganon using the Master Sword, and rescues the princess. He allowed to touch the Triforce himself, thus sending the world into a time of great peace.

Whew, that was a lot. So what about the game itself? A game can have a great story and still be awful, so let's move on to...

The gameplay:

As I mentioned before, ALTTP is a 2D top down dungeon crawler.  The movement is really tight; Link is very responsive when it comes to the controls. On top of the standard sword and shield (which, thankfully, blocks arrows and such automatically), there is a plethora of secondary weapons/items; one for each dungeon (about 15), and several that the player must go out of their way to get, namely three medallions that allow Link to cast massively damaging spells such as an area-of-effect lightning attack. Each secondary weapon/item has its own use, and thankfully, there are no "one-use" weapons - you know the ones I'm talking about, the ones that only get used in the dungeon they're found in, the ones you never touch after you're done with them. Once you receive a new item, you'll find a use for it in pretty much every dungeon afterwards. And that's great.

The audio/visual aspects of ALTTP are amazing as well; the game sounds and looks great, and it's not hard to see that its graphical style has been copied in many newer indie games (go look at games like Wanderlust: Rebirth and tell me that its style isn't still popular). The graphical style is very basic, but maintains enough complexity to keep your eyes entertained throughout the game; it has a style that has and will stand the test of time. There's a lot of diversity as well; you'll travel through swamps, deserts, forests, mountains, castles and fields, and each area looks great. The music is amazing too; if you don't believe me, check this out. It really gets you pumped up, and helps get you in the dungeon-exploring mood.

The difficulty... what can be said about it? ALTTP isn't a terribly difficult game, outside of a couple of boss fights. It's a game that can be played easily by pretty much anybody, as long as you're prepared for one or two rough boss fights.

Length and replayability are important aspects in any game, and ALTTP is pretty good on both. It's easily 15 hours long the first time around, and can be extended by doing side quests and searching for pieces of heart. As far as replayability goes, I've played it over 5 times, so you can take that for what it's worth.

The verdict:
The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past is a timeless treasure that many people love, and that many people will love for years and years to come. I give it 5/5 stars; it's easily my favorite game in the whole Legend of Zelda series, if not my favorite game overall. If you haven't played it, I have two things to say to you: a) what rock have you been living under for the past 20 years, and b) go play it. Now. Seriously.

My new blog - video game reviews!

Hello everybody!

As you may have noticed, my other blog, titled "Weiss' Jumbled Mind", kind of fell off the radar. Lately, I've been too busy with school and life to keep it up to date. However, the one thing I HAVE had time for is my passion - video games. So I've decided to try and start doing something I've wanted to for a long, long time - video game reviews!

I plan on covering many, many systems - everything from the original Nintendo, up to the current generation of consoles. Each review will come out (hopefully) on or before every Tuesday, starting this week. I'm more than willing to take requests, and I'll ask you to send them to weissvgre@gmail.com.

Look for a review soon!

P.S.: There WILL be spoilers, so be ready! If you haven't played the game and don't want to know about it, don't read!